"Goodbyes"

Trying to hold it together has been tough this week. My father at only age 59 got ill and rapidly declined. In a decision that is unfair to make for someone of such a young age my sister and I had to make the difficult decision to make my father comfortable as life saving measures were to big a gamble and being dependent on machines was not my fathers wishes.
It is difficult when your world shuts down, and all around you life goes on, people continue shopping, buying there lattes, putting gas in there cars, laughing at jokes. Making that drive to the hospital the last few days I wanted to scream at the people in the cars near me, stop it! stop and pay attention he is really sick! To these innocent strangers I wanted to scream!
It is tough to take those phone calls from well wishers wanting updates, reliving over and over the grim details, and just when you think the tears have stopped, a flood of emotion erupts as you try to console the person on the other end that its the right thing.
I second guessed myself several times wondering if the right decisions were made, but that was just spinning my wheels and got me nowhere. (just to clarify, the RIGHT decisions were made)
I met many of my fathers friends that I did not know prior to this event, who came and shared there wonderful stories. Stories that I had never heard- without knowing these people made me laugh when I Really needed to laugh.(discovered my father was quite the prankster). I also learned the name of my fathers friends, for years I only new them by there nicknames, like "bonehead", "no toes" "butt head".... you get the picture (don't ask about "no toes its a long story")
I promised my father to bequeath his favorite fishing pole "big red" to his only grandchild, the fishing pole he taught him to fish with.
I met some some Amazzzzzzzzzing hospital staff who when you are at your lowest they are at there best to keep you afloat and going.
The hardest thing of all this week was saying goodbye. I do believe we were granted a gift in having an opportunity to say "goodbye" to say "I love you", but that does not make saying "goodbye" any easier.
"I love you Pop, come visit me in my dreams"!!!